Fame: A Monologue

It must suck to be famous, and have all these weird stalkers–some of them actually being really great and nice people who are just a little lonely. You make them feel good, or rather, they like the way they feel when they’re around you, and they can’t help it. They like you–smile when you come into the room.

But it gets crazy. You start seeing the same people any time at the first chance of a pattern in the places you go. You never want to stay in one place for long, afraid of “bumping into” that guy or that girl again.

Most of the time, they’re super-nice people. They might not even be crazy. They just like you. It’s not their fault. And you’re an egomaniac. You’re the celebrity, remember? All celebrities are egomaniacs. You’re the crazy one. It’s all coincidence.

She’ll make you wish you never accepted her friend request on your secret alias cartoon character social media account. How did she…? You’ll never tell another person your favorite coffee shop because of him. It’ll make you want to start avoiding what used to be comfortable weekend hangout spots, because every time you’re at that favorite open street market, there he is. 

What do these people do all day?

Pretty soon, you start thinking of avoiding neighborhoods and entire cities. They make you want to move. But it happens everywhere you go. You end up staying inside more than you want to. You end up doing weird stuff like taking midnight walks in dark clothing, feeling like some sort of criminal. Your only friends are the stars, and that dog that barks incessantly every time you walk by…Oh yeah…He’s telling you he’s not your friend. So you settle for stars.

You start fantasizing about what it would be like to not be famous. Cheers! You want to go somewhere nobody knows your name…That’s the only way you can meet somebody and know they love you for who you are. That’s how you know they don’t just want you for your money.

All your life, you wanted to be a Somebody, and now you’re thinking your only salvation will come from going back to being a Nobody. Just a normal guy.

You revert back to trying to focus on the only thing you know how to do–whatever is is that made you famous in the first place, which only makes you more famous. Work isn’t even a shelter anymore, once everybody knows who you are. So you start taking up solitary activities like painting, origami, or mastering an instrument.

You hit the water going into that perfect dive into that perfect pool in your perfectly secluded back yard and it hits you:

How will I ever find her?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FTW

At the end of last night’s class, JR asked us to get with a partner and work out an improvised scene. Improv is my favorite art within the art–probably because it’s what I’m best at. I live for improv. I used to be a part of a live improv comedy troupe here in town…

Anyway, I was partnered with Noelle–a skilled actress who is just about to start working on another film. Improvised scenes for the sake of this class have allowed us a little time to set up our scenarios in advance; they aren’t quite as off-the-cuff as the live shows I used to do, where the audience shouts directions and you literally have no time to think or prepare. Noelle and I set up a scene where we were best friends, and I would meet her at a coffee shop and tell her that I lied to everyone about winning the lottery.

The exercise went well, but JR could tell that I was holding something back, and called me out on it. I had been searching for the answer to Noelle’s question as to why I lied, and all I could do was play with my plastic cupful of ice. (Noelle knew that wherever I went, I always got an ice water and gulped it down right away.) I wanted to suck and crunch the ice in that cup, but it wasn’t real.

We ended the improv in silence.

Later, after I was home, the why came to me. I was thinking about the lottery, and how life can sometimes get so boring and tedious. If we aren’t careful, we can lose our sense of humor. And if we really aren’t careful, we can forget what it’s like to feel. But what feels good?

Winning feels good. 

And I wanted to know what it was like to win something.

I flashed back to Charlie Sheen’s unforgettable Winning/Tiger’s Blood interview, and a smile came to my face. That’s because I realized that there are so many ways to win. You can win with humor and you can win with honesty. You can win with love and you can win with courage. You can win with intellect and you can win with integrity. You can win with silence and you can win with forgiveness.

The improv is over, but I have sympathy for my character and that lie she told to win friends, attention, and excitement. I’ll go so far as to say that humans need these things. I just wish my character realized that she had all of these things already without having to lie.

In this business, it’s said that you’re only as good as your last performance. I guess that depends on what you consider your last performance. Luckily, if your last scene was subpar, there’s always another one around the corner.

You’re not supposed to chew your ice, I repeated to Noelle.

It’s bad for your teeth.

DOGS: The Musical

An answer to CATS.

I have the idea forming in my mind. Even musical compositions are beginning to write themselves. I’m not a classically trained musician, and I don’t read or write sheet music yet. But the specific notes and specific instruments that play the notes are all in my mind. I don’t know how on earth I know this stuff. I just play a few stringed instruments in my spare time, but I hear all sorts of instruments in the compositions.

DOGS is the story of, in some ways, the pure breeds vs. the mixed breeds. It will center around a pure bred golden retriever that gets lost and sent to a no-kill shelter, where he (or she?) befriends an unlikely mutt of a friend in the shelter. They become best friends as they realize their similarities and differences.

The greater issues I want to press will be the obvious overcrowding and lack of funding for these shelters.

I want to talk about Pit Bulls, and have a Pit Bull character who has been bred to fight but is really a total softy. He still will lead one of the musical’s best songs–a hip-hop/rap song that will include modern hip-hop and street dance.

I want to show some of the funny characteristics of pure bred dogs–maybe an entitled and overeducated Poodle, maybe a needy Weimereiner. Since this is a musical for both kids and adults, it has to be kid-friendly throughout, and I think it’s important that the characters relate to the dogs of the audience members–meaning, if you don’t see your dog’s breed up on stage, at least we might show you a character with some of his or her habits. Tail chasing, snorting, getting excited and running around only to suddenly freeze–the material is endless!

Most of all, I want to praise the idea that no-kill shelters exist, and the value of adoption. I want to show that these places are funded mostly by donations by loving people. I want to show the love of those who work at these shelters, and spent countless hours caring for the animals.

Of course I can’t tell you the ending–that just wouldn’t be cool. To borrow some lyrics from the title track, “I woof if I could, but I can’t.”

Katie Rawls Baxter

You are your own destination.

Monologues. Work on your monologues.

In response to not getting cast in a local production of The Crucible, my acting coach JR suggested I turn my attention toward my monologues. I need to have one memorized for my first meet-up at the talent agency. JR is helping me and the other actors in our class get our foot in the door with The Agency, and the powers that be want to see how we present with a monologue before they begin throwing us to the audition wolves.

I’m a writer before anything else, so my monologues are all originals. In these early stages of my acting career, I’m seeing so many processes within processes: The creative process within the writing process, the writing process within the creative process, the creative process within the auditioning process, the acting process within the process of personal evolution…

I love it deeply. There is no better feeling than grasping a script or play and feeling it, walking around the neighborhood too intoxicated with an idea to mind looking like a crazy person. The script is like the perfect lover–you want to devour her–spiritually, emotionally, physically.

At this point, these are the feelings that take me out of the brief depressions that come with not getting cast. I can’t forget how good this makes me feel.