Staying True To Yourself: The Dream

I had a dream I was at an audition.

I didn’t know much about the production or who was putting it on. I just wanted a role. Most of all, I wanted the lead role.

There was a large group of actors in a dark but open area. I had to get the director’s attention.

I want to act. I don’t care what the role is.

I approached the director. Up close, he had a strange familiarity. Ice cold blue eyes. He had a black energy. I didn’t like it, but I wanted a part in the production.

So I asked him to dance.

Por su puesto, he laughed, and took me to dance before the crowd. (I didn’t know what por su puesto meant in the dream, in waking hours I asked one of my Colombian friends and she told me that it means of course.)

Of course.

We danced, but the feeling wasn’t good. The way he led the dance, I felt as if he wanted to possess me. He wasn’t interested in me as a person, an artist or an actress. He wasn’t interested in my charm or my potential. He was only interested in his own power–that I could have been any girl, wanting and wishing for a part–because I love acting. He had such power, the director. He could make dreams come true. To be engaged in my audition, I looked into those cold eyes and pretended–pretended to have a grand old time, pretended in that moment I belonged to him. And I won him over. I knew it. But the darkness crept in and I realized who I was dancing with. I was dancing with the devil.

At the end of the dance, he was  pleased with himself. I felt like I’d sold myself out. I didn’t want any part in this production. I should have done the research. I felt rotten inside. I felt tricked in a way, but the truth was that nobody put me up to that dance. I was the one who asked him to dance, after all.

The good news was that it wasn’t too late. I didn’t have to continue the dance.

And that was how it ended–with the devil, satisfied thinking he had me that one time. My satisfaction? Knowing that dance was the acting performance of my life.

So my question to everybody is this: How far are you willing to go to be a star?

Forget about being a star, and start thinking about being an actor. It will save you a lot of time and energy. And you might just sleep better at night.